tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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