i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
