I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
