broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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