Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
