so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
