To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
