True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
