So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
