If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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