So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
