She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
