im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
