It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
