I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
