C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
