SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
