I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
