Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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