It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
