I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i need some magic done to my vagina
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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