I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
