I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
