Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
