Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
