yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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