Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
