You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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