connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
