so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
