Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
this will be a night to untag.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
