HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
