I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
