Capitaan dildo arrescate!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
