You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
