new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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