oh god the rape fog is back!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
