I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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