SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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