if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
