Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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