You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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