Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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