Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
