Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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