You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
