The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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