I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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