i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
