forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
well you can't waste a boner
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
