I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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