Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
