Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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